Herpes Dating Confidence:
Getting Past the Fear of Rejection
Do you know how dogs and bullies can always sense fear? It's almost as if it has a smell. Even though you may try to look brave, you can never fool either the dogs or the bullies if you are shaking inside.
Negotiating new relationships when you fear rejection has much the same effect on the people around you. People can sense it.
For those of you who have herpes and who worry that herpes will affect how people see you, you might as well have a sign pinned to your forehead which says: 'I think that I'm a nice person but I'm not really sure, you could try me and find out, but I have herpes so I don't know if you'll really want to have anything to do with me'.
And people can sense your fear and uncertainty, so they keep their distance. They resist getting close because you are giving out mixed signals.
This is how you can accidentally create the very situation that you least wanted to experience. The fear that you feel inside has caused you to become unattractive on the outside. This is the vicious circle created by the fear of rejection.
Once you can see this, you can also see that you can break out of this vicious circle by becoming someone who has no fear and uncertainty inside them. In this way you are as attractive on the inside as you are on the outside.
That's all very well, you say, but herpes is different. Herpes makes me different. Of course I've got fear and uncertainty inside me. Wouldn't you, if you were me and you had herpes?
And my response to this is that I do have herpes. And, although I was scared of rejection once, I'm not scared of rejection any longer. My message is, if I can do it, so can you.
They key to getting past the fear of rejection and putting it behind you forever, is to build your self confidence and your self esteem.
People with high self confidence and high self esteem do not fear rejection. This is the same whether you have herpes or not. The challenge of herpes is that you have to work that little bit harder to raise your levels of self confidence.
High levels of confidence come when you know that you are in control of your life and the direction that your life is taking.
Too many of us just let life happen to us. When we do this, things always seem to be coming at us - at times it can be like being dealt one random bad card after another. We have no sense of being in control, and this is when we begin to feel worthless and unattractive.
However, this is another vicious circle - because the more we feel that 'bad stuff' is coming at us, the more worthless we feel. And when we feel worthless we give out a vibe that says 'I'm worthless'. People sense this and so they begin to treat us as though we are worthless. Yet this is not the case - you've just been caught in a vicious circle and what you need to do is to break the cycle.
You can break the cycle by deciding that you are going to make your life happen. That you are going to be the creator of your own life.
The best example of people who 'make their lives happen' are the top class athletes who decide to go for the gold medal. That gold medal doesn't happen just because the athlete is good at sports - the gold medal happens because the athlete has decided that he or she is going to do all that they can to win it.
The gold medal is a goal and it provides motivation and direction every day of their lives. And the magical side effect of working towards that gold medal is that you develop higher levels of self confidence and self esteem along the way, without even trying.
How often do you wake up in the morning with a positive goal or a direction in mind, something that would really stretch you?
I think that when we have herpes and we feel that herpes is a big cross to bear, it's easy to forget that there is more to life. Having a goal that stretches you beyond herpes can seem like an impossible dream.
Yet it's what you need to do. You need to do it as a way of taking control of your life, because when you take control of your life you will become more self confident and develop much higher levels of self esteem - and as your self confidence and self esteem grow, so will your ability to find the perfect relationship.
And your fear of rejection will have gone forever.
Now is the time to make the decision to give your life the direction that you want it to have - contact me now to take that first important step forward.
My name is Alison McVey and I am a life coach and healer, specialising in herpes and relationships. We all deserve to love and be loved, and my work is to help you to reconnect with this important part of your life. To find out more, please visit: www.herpesdatinghelp.com
Book an Appointment now and talk to Alison in confidence.
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