Genital Herpes and Relationships:
Making Choices that Heal
A diagnosis of genital herpes can cause us to really feel as though we have lost our footing in life. Where you previously might have felt that the world was your oyster, it can suddenly feel that many, if not all, of your options have been removed. The choices that you once thought were yours are now no longer there. An apparently carefree life has disappeared.
In the face of this, too many people choose to withdraw, not necessarily from life, but certainly from the relationships and dating scene. Having genital herpes requires that you tell any prospective partners before you become sexually intimate - bringing with it the fear of rejection, the possibility of humiliation and acute feelings of embarrassment. These things can feel so big and so daunting, that stepping away from the dating scene, whilst not the best choice, is certainly understandable.
However, dating and relationships are a natural part of a full and active life. Stepping away from this is not only a denial of life but a denial of your life. And, when you elect to step away from dating and relationships because you fear humiliation and rejection, you are also stepping away from a challenge that, once met, will be the making of you as a person.
My life has taught me that the willingness to meet the challenges that life sends you is the path to becoming a truly beautiful person. We all have it within us to be beautiful - trust me on this one.
My advice to you then, is that you make a conscious decision to do those things that embrace life: make choices that enable you to build a full and active and fun-filled life.
It can help here, to step back a little bit and take a very general look at how so many of us approach dating and relationships. Without a doubt, we nearly always look for sexual attractiveness and sexual availability first - so it's no wonder that we can experience genital herpes as a major body blow, as genital herpes reduces our sexual availability and can also makes us feel less attractive.
Yet, the bigger picture of successful relationships is about love, mutual enjoyment, friendship, respect and fun - isn't it? We can spend too much time focussing on the sexual element of relationships and too little time on the other things that matter. Sexual intimacy is life affirming - and so is love, fun, sharing and friendship. We need all of these things in our life.
So, just for now, whilst you are feeling uncomfortable and uneasy with your sexuality, some positive choices that you can make are to switch your focus to the other things that matter. Know that in the fullness of time, you will step back into loving and sexual intimacy and that, because you have made choices that embrace life, your sexual relationships will be deeper and more fulfilling than you have ever previously experienced.
Three life affirming choices that you can make now are:
1. Build relationships that are based on mutual respect, fun, friendship and enjoyment. Are you passive in relationships or are you active? Active people are always building relationships with others - they seek people out and enjoy them for who they are. Passive people, on the other hand, do nothing. Passive people expect relationships to happen to them, doing little or nothing to initiate relationships and taking little or no responsibility for them. If this sounds like you, then it's time to make big changes. Surround yourself with people who you enjoy and you will soon be surrounded by people who enjoy you.
2. Love yourself first - how can you expect other people to love you if you don't love yourself? Can you look in the mirror and really enjoy the person who is reflected back at you? If you can't do this then it's important to learn how you can begin to change - loving yourself is key to a successful and fulfilling life.
3. Live for something bigger than yourself - what matters to you? What do you care about deeply? Start to stand for something, make your life represent something much bigger than yourself. We see this in entrepreneurial business people all the time. Anita Roddick has made her life about marrying a passion for ethically produced cosmetics with high street availability. She's well known and famous and her ambition is big. Your ambition doesn't have to be big - there is plenty of scope for bringing the things that matter to you into your life at whatever level you want. And an added benefit is that this also offers great opportunity for meeting the people who you will enjoy most.
When you make a choice to be someone who does all three of these things, you are building the foundations of a strong and meaningful life. Things can begin to happen when you make choices that build rather than choices that close down - and when things begin to happen, they can happen in the most unexpected and exciting of ways....
What are you waiting for?
Inspired? Want to know how to get started? My name is Alison McVey. I am a life coach and healer specialising in herpes and relationships. My aim is to help and support as many people as I can to reclaim their lives and their relationships. Contact me now to find out how I can help you.
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